Gingerbread Man
by ZaKai
Summary: Just a normal morning at the office for Breda: food, meetings, coworkers, coworkers trying to turn him into a gingerbread man... [nonyaoi, humor, oneshot]


For **Sadler**, just because.  
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**Gingerbread Man**

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**Breda munched on a cream cheese laden bagel as he headed toward Colonel Mustang's office for the morning meeting. Passing their floor's receptionist's desk, Breda noticed she wasn't looking and took a handful of the candy from the bowl she had out.

As he walked off he heard her snap, "Breda!" He continued walking because he knew if he made eye contact the secretary might think he feared her. There was a sound of disgust, then, "Between you and that Elric boy… Stay out of my candy!"

Stuffing the handful of candy in his pocket, Breda called back, "Don't leave it out on your desk then!"

He took another bite of his bagel. Seriously, if she didn't want to share, then why have it out. As his ex-girlfriend might have put it, 'I have more needs than most people.' Growling, he took another a bite from the bagel. At least that had been her excuse when she'd left him. Well, he needed more candy than most people; except for maybe Ed, of course.

Letting himself into the colonel's office, Breda sat on one of the couches and wolfed down the rest of the bagel as he nodded to his coworkers—except the colonel, who wasn't there but was probably 'on his way'. Meaning he'd slept in again.

When his gaze rested on Ed, he saw that the teen was staring fixedly at him in the same way that a predatory animal might stare at its prey. "What?" he said around the food in his mouth, then swallowed it before pulling a couple pieces of the candy out of his pocket.

He looked down at it and smirked. The pieces were wrapped in red and green. Not even December yet and the Christmas candy was out. Of course, so were many of the decorations around the city. You just couldn't escape it. The season came earlier each year.

Looking back up, he noticed that Ed was still staring at him. "Fuck, Ed. Would you stop staring at me!" Breda snapped, then mumbled an apology to Hawkeye who had given him 'the look' for his language.

"I had this dream last night..." Ed began, still staring at him. "And there was this house and it was made out of gingerbread and icing and candy and..." Breda popped the candy in his mouth and made an 'mmm' sound. Now that was his kind of house. "And when I knocked on the door, _you_ opened the door." At this Havoc began laughing, which earned him a glare from Breda. "But you were a gingerbread man!" Ed exclaimed, still giving him that same hungry look.

"This is why they shouldn't put up the Christmas stuff early," Breda complained. "It's addling the few brain cells you haven't transmuted into something else."

Ed scowled at him, obviously not pleased with his comment. "Well, just so you know, in my dream, I captured and ate you," Ed growled.

Breda rolled his eyes. "I'm shaking in my boots."

"You should be..." Ed purred evilly. "Because I'm craving gingerbread..."

They stared at each other for a moment before Ed slapped his hands together. Breda jumped out of his chair and made a mad dash for the door. There was no way in hell he was going to let Ed turn him into a cookie!

He made it out of the office and was trying to close the door by the doorknob when Ed reached the door and was trying to pull it open on his end. They struggled with the door for a moment before he heard a growled, "Stop playing around with my door."

Breda let go of the door which, with Ed's pulling, flung open. Ed fell to the floor with a loud thud. Breda turned and gave Colonel Mustang a sharp salute before saying, "Sir, sorry, Sir."

The colonel waved it off, yawned widely, and walked into the office. As he passed Ed, who was just getting to his feet, the colonel smacked him on the head with the rolled up newspaper he was holding.

"Why can't I have a _normal_ staff?" the colonel wondered out loud as both Ed and Breda retook their seats. "What the hell was going on?"

"Seems the chief was trying to turn Breda into a gingerbread man," Havoc said with a laugh.

Breda glared at the man, then turned his glare on Ed when the colonel said in a contemptuous tone, "You can't use alchemy to turn people into gingerbread men. Seriously, Breda…" His cheeks darkened in embarrassment and he drew his finger across his throat before pointing it at Ed, who was making an obvious effort not to laugh out loud.

Digging a piece of candy from his pocket, Breda threw it at Ed and was pleased to see it hit the kid's head, then turned his attention to the colonel as the meeting began.

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**Comments are welcome.**


End file.
